The field is vast

to do or not to do, that is always the question

It’s that time. I’m getting itchy, twitchy and unsettled, and only some of it is due to menopause¹. I’ve lived in the same house for 25 years and been married to the same person for close to 30. But all of that stability is well mitigated by my resume: job titles and certifications are supplemented on a four to five year cycle like clockwork.

And we’re here again. So what’s next?

This antsy-ness crept in part way through 2024. I’m not keen to change roles right now - let’s be clear, that takes a lot of effort and energy, and I like where I am. I’m always open to something amazing, but I’m in passive mode.

It must be time, then, to look at my next new skill. It must be time to evolve a little!

As I’m starting to get excited about this, Samia - doctor ethicist just scrolls up onto my TikTok feed and, in the shortest smackdown of my sense of self-improvement, advises:

you do remember that the sum of everything you want to do is a life you may not want to live, right? yeah

Samia- doctor ethicist

Oh. Hell. What?

I mean, okay, sure. If I stand back and look at it from a high level and at a great distance - you know, for other people - this makes sense. Everything you engage in will have downstream implications in your life: the shape of your day, where and how you work, who you interact with, who you make friends with and what expectations, rewards and sacrifices are demanded. Yada yada yada. With every decision, we get a new timeline and a whole new context. To ridiculously oversimplify, I’m sure, a homebody working toward a goal of becoming a publicly famous musician may end up living a life that does not serve their whole being.

And, psh, it’s not like I’m trying to turn my homebody self into a famous touring musician or anything². So surely, I’m safe…

But this has stuck with me. What are the implications of seemingly smaller, innocuous jaunts into shiny new spaces because it’s something I want. Aren’t we supposed³ to be life-long learners of new things and gather new perspectives? Is it not good to step into the interesting⁴ new spaces and see what’s there, then perhaps even learn, understand and appreciate - if not embody and enact - those new things? Who am I to put limits on what I want to do?

Who am I to put limits on what I want to do?

I spend a lot of conscious effort replacing the word but with the word and in my life, and this concept just sounds like a whole lotta but.

sure, yes, dear self, I know you really want to do x, y or z, but you know that if you do those things, the new timeline is definitely going to suck.

me, probably

And. As I type out that self-talk, I realise it’s not inaccurate. I do that. A lot.

I talk a lot of shit. Sometimes out loud. What ifs, grand plans and shiny options are tested out and thrown around to see if they stick or sound as good out loud as they do in my head.

To no one’s surprise: many of them don’t.

Even those ideas that do sound reasonable can sometimes take a long time to gather the critical mass necessary to come into being. The time, capacity or life context just isn’t right, right at that moment.

On reflection, I put a lot of things I want to do out into the field. They’re always options, sitting there, waiting to see if a connection can be made to a value, a goal, or an adjacent opportunity that raises the symbiosis or synergy. Some options live so far out in the field, they’re never going to happen. Other wants hang out just in the periphery and flash into view when tickled by a key phrase, a feeling or the flap of a butterfly wing.

Those tenuous options and connections take hold when whatever the what is makes sense in that moment and in the context of my values and current systems. It now supports my authenticity and aligns with my integrity.

I’d love to say that all my actions have been so well thought out and strongly connected to my values and context over the years. I can certainly point out those that were well-connected, in retrospect. And I could say a few more were well thought out at the time. Other actions and inactions have simply shifted the timeline and I’ll never know any different.

All I can say is that, to date, this is a life I want to live.

I can also now incorporate the conscious and specific question how will this influence the life I want to live? when making key future connections.

1. that’s whole different post

2. I mean, hey, if I suddenly became tour-worthy, I’d think about it

3. don’t “should” or “supposed to” yourself

4. would it follow that “interesting” would inherently - on some level - resonate with one or more of my values?

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photo credit: Kathy Harms Creative

Jenn is a personal development coach, Reiki master teacher and voice over artist who prefers to see the glass half full of good intentions, in a vessel made of project, program, quality and change management principles. She lives on the left coast of Canada and drinks too much coffee.

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